Imagine if I handed you a pot, some soil, and a seed. Then, I asked you to help the seed grow into a flower. Pretty simple, right? Only catch… you can’t use sunlight (or artificial UV light, for all you people always looking for a workaround).
That changes things, right? But why?
Well, the sun is one of, if not the most important influences on whether or not a flower grows. Depending on the type, maybe something could start to bud but eventually, without sunlight, it dies. So, why in the world would you ever try to grow a flower without sunlight?
For too long, kids and student ministries have tried to foster spiritual growth in the lives of children and teens without fully tapping into the most influential aspect of their growth… their parents/guardians. Too many parents, when faced with a challenging situation with their children, bring them to their pastor to “fix” the problem.
Let me be clear on something… that’s on US.
If parents don’t feel equipped to lean into the most important conversations with their children, part of the reason is because the Church has not inspired or prepared them to do so. Churches need to refocus on coming alongside parents/guardians as the primary spiritual influence in the lives of their children, because… here’s the truth… THEY ARE.
There is no denying that parents/guardians take the #1 spiritual influence spot in the lives of their children. Take the most consistent church attender, for example… Their kids will be at youth group of kid’s church about 40x/year, which is about 80hrs/year. On the other hand, young children spend all their time at home (racking-up literally thousands of hours with their parents), but even seniors, on the cusp of becoming independent adults, would accumulate 730 hours/year if they just spent a total of 2hrs/day at home. The church just can’t compete with that kind of time and influence.
And maybe that’s the whole point… we shouldn’t be competing at all.
We need to stop thinking about how we can increase kid’s and student’s time in the church, and start thinking about how we can help maximize their time at home. God DESIGNED parents/guardians to be the primary spiritual influence. It’s a good thing. We should never compete for that spot. Instead, we should be sold-out for encouraging, equipping, resourcing, and caring for families because…
When families win, we win.
So, what does it look like to center family ministry around actual families? How can we shift the focus from getting families to church, to getting the church in the home? For Northview, it’s the Family Framework. This is a strategic timeline of events, classes, and activities spanning from when a child is born to 18 years old that we desire for every family at our church to participate in.
So let me do a rapid-fire overview of the “why,” “what,” and “how” behind the Family Framework.
Why
We are passionate about the vision of the Family Framework because of 3 truths we feel deeply convicted by…
1.) Every Week Matters: Time is precious, and we are only given so much of it. This includes that time we have with our children. Why would we waste a single moment, and how can we inspire families to make the most of it? (Psalm 90:12)
2.) Parents Are the Primary Spiritual Influences on Their Children: Have you heard this one yet? Is it getting old? Good.
3.) Every Parent Wants to Be a Good Parent: Regardless of background or beliefs, we believe that every parent has an inherent desire to do a good job raising their kids. Does this mean that every parent does a good job, or knows how to parent well… no. But they do desire to.**
**Let me pause here for a second to make an important point. This truth means that teaching to parent in a way that is honoring to God, and helping people understand that this is the key to good parenting is a HUGE opportunity for evangelism. Coming alongside families doesn’t mean doing extra things for the families who are already doing fine on their own. It means meeting parents right where they are and building on that inherent desire to be a good parent. It means inspiring intentional parenting, and dispelling the myth that anyone can somehow “drift” into being a good parent. It means making spiritual conversations accessible and exciting, and coaching parents on how to go about those conversations. Our prayer is that thousands of people encounter the Family Framework, desiring to be a better parenting, and have the life-changing realization that it all starts with following Jesus. All of this starts with our passion to meet families right where they’re at.
Ok, back to our regularly scheduled programming…
What
Each of our Family Framework events of classes is focused on doing two things:
1.) Inspiring and Equipping Intentional Parenting: Like I mentioned before, nobody drifts into being a great parent. It takes effort and intentionality. We want families who participate in the Family Framework to catch a vision for just how important their job as a parent really is, and we want to provide them with resources to win as a parent.
2.) Setting-up Unforgettable Memories with Important Conversations: What are some of your fondest memories from your childhood? I would guess a number of moments and experiences come to mind. Many probably involved laughing, excitement, and maybe even getting out of your comfort-zone. Isn’t it amazing how these moments stick in our memory? The Family Framework is all about creating THIS kind of unforgettable experience between a child and their parent/guardian. Even more, we want to link these memories with important conversations that usually get lost in the shuffle of day-to-day life. In the Family Framework, we set-up conversations around the Bible, Salvation, a Blessing, Sexual Integrity, and Identity. We believe that when unforgettable memories are linked with important conversations, it makes the important conversations unforgettable.
How
We have a website dedicated to our Family Framework that provides detail into all the different events, classes, and programs included. I pray it provides inspiration for how you and your church can creatively inspire and equip parents in your church to win!
Here is our website.
This works for us. It’s not perfect. We’re always pushing to make it better. But it is working. We are seeing life change in the families at our church. It’s not for every church. That’s ok. You don’t need to adopt the Family Framework to partner well with families. But partnering with families is for EVERY church.
It’s not a matter of “if,” it’s a matter of “how.”
Let me close by going back to the “growing a flower” analogy that kicked all of this off… where would we (and by “we” I mean the Church) fit into the analogy?
I think we are like a greenhouse.
A greenhouse creates an environment that promotes growth and sets-up the sun to do what it was created to do… make things grow. God has appointed parents and guardians as the primary spiritual influences in their households. As the Church, let's come alongside them and create environments that set them up to thrive in what God has created them to do… help their family grow.